There’s a shocking and surprising truth that none of our fathers taught us guys, and it’s this: The single most intense psychological pain men will experience comes when our wife has an affair.
Several years ago when my own wife betrayed me, I felt more humiliation, jealousy, rage, and pain than I ever had before. I couldn’t get the images out of my head, and I was afraid I might lose my marriage. If you’re on this page, it means you’re probably feeling some of these feelings too.
Tip #1: Don’t try to “be a man” about it.
Let’s face it – women are better at dealing with emotions then men are. Since they were little girls they’ve been sharing their hurt feelings with their friends. This is what females do – they relying on other females for emotional support. But most of us men are afraid of looking “weak” if we admit to our buddies that we’re hurting inside because our wife cheated. We try to “be a man” about it and hide our feelings, but that just makes us feel even more crazy and alone. The answer? Find one good friend (or counselor) you can confide in. It’s real important.
Tip #2: Obsessing = Ask More Questions
If you find yourself with haunting images every time you close your eyes and you can’t stop thinking about your wife’s affair, it’s likely you have some questions about it that your wife still hasn’t answered – or you haven’t asked. If you want relief from the dark thoughts in your head, you must ask your wife every question you have about the affair, and she must answer them to your full satisfaction… or else your mind will never let you rest. This is vital to your recovery – and it improves your chances of saving your marriage.
Tip #3: Understand the REAL reason why your wife may not be telling you the whole story
A lot of the men I talk to say they have a gut feeling that their wife is still holding something back – that there are facts about the affair she isn’t sharing. When this happens it’s easy to think she’s being selfish or just plain mean. But the real reason may be 1) she’s afraid you’ll leave if you knew the whole truth, 2) she doesn’t want to hurt you more, or 3) she’s ashamed of you knowing the dirty details.
So the key to getting her to open up isn’t to get angry and push harder (what most men do), but to empathize with the reason she’s defensive. Share with her the 3 reasons I just shared with you, and reassure her that everything will be okay if she shares – that the marriage will be better for it. That’ll help her to open up.
But beyond these three tips, perhaps the most important advice I can give you is to get educated. Why? Well, I surveyed 1500 of my loyal readers, and 91% said this is the hardest thing they’ve ever gone through in their entire lives. When the pain is this severe, you need to get educated so you can heal and move forward as quickly as possible I’ve helped thousands of men over the years get through this.
–Originally written by Kevin Jackson